You know that email you sent to Susie? And she said she never got it? It must have been lost right? You probably put in the wrong address. It might have bounced back. But wait…it tells you when it bounces back doesn’t it? And you can check the address. Let’s just face it. She got it. And she ignored it. Just like you got that email from Tom and ignored it. Everyone does it but nobody admits it.
Someone hacked your twitter and posted that message right? That Facebook status was a “typo”! Every baby in a stroller is the cutest thing ever! It has to be! It’s a baby! And let’s not even get started on the shower. Everyone pees in it. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve peed in it. Stop defending yourself. Stop. The baby in the stroller isn’t cute. You got the email. It wasn’t a typo. You peed in the shower. You pick your nose. And you absolutely cannot be anything that you want if you just put your mind to it. That’s a lie we tell little kids to give them hope in a hopeless world. Sorry little kids, Santa is also made up. Now that you’re riled up, it’s a joke. We’re kidding. It’s called exaggeration. If you got upset reading this, you need to take things a little less seriously. Maybe go for a walk. And then come back and read about 25 things that everybody knows but nobody wants to admit.
Featured Image: Katie Tegtmeyer via Flickr
That we"ve read the message even if there is no "seen" (via email, using airplane mode, etc)
Source: reddit
That somebody somewhere is having an even worse day than we are
Source: reddit
That one day our bodies will get old and saggy
Source: reddit
That most groups of kids curse when adults aren"t around. And most groups of adults curse when kids aren"t around. But neither group does it in front of the other because parents don"t want to accept that kids know those words and kids don"t want to get in trouble.
Source: reddit
That there are actually are stupid questions. Lots of stupid questions.
Source: reddit
That you"re not going to win the Powerball lottery on Sunday
Source: reddit
That you"re never going to be a professional athlete
Source: reddit
That seeing a police car in their rearview makes you feel scared and not safe
Source: reddit
That poop particles fly all around the bathroom whenever you flush
Source: reddit
That good looking people will always tend to have easier lives, better jobs, more promotions, and higher salaries. Because psychology.
Source: reddit
That you pick your nose
Source: reddit
That being a good and honest person is not the fastest way to get ahead in life. The best maybe, but certainly not the fastest.
Source: reddit
That nobody on this Earth will remember you even existed in 100 years
Source: reddit
That kids can"t actually be anything they want to be when they grow up.
Source: reddit
That you weren"t "hacked". You just regret posting it.
Source: reddit
That know one actually knows the lyrics to Who Let The Dogs Out by the Baja Men
Source: reddit
That you secretly like One Direction/Justin Bieber and you"re not a teenage girl
Source: reddit
That kids do, in fact, indirectly cause a lot of relationship stress that leads to divorce. Of course, it"s nicer to say it was "financial". But where did that money/time all go? (according to recent research, boys put less stress on a marriage than girls, and children with disabilities or ADHD also put more stress on marital relationships)
Source: reddit, forbes
That you pee in the shower
Source: reddit
That the baby in the stroller really isn"t that cute
Source: reddit
That the customer isn"t always right
Source: reddit
That our economy, existence in first world countries, and general way of life is almost entirely dependent on someone else getting the short end of the stick.
Source: reddit
That for the right amount of money you can get away with almost anything
Source: reddit
That it wasn"t a "typo"
Source: reddit
That emails don"t just "get lost". Everyone knows you got the email and ignored it.
Source: reddit
